A Wilderness of My Own Choosing

So I’ve been praying for time to post an update on my blog. And I believe God has now given me the space and time to catalog what has been happening since last summer. This fall was INCREDIBLE! I so enjoyed all the ministry opportunities that God afforded me. Then right around Christmas and New Year’s I started into a wilderness of my own choosing. So what exactly do I mean?

Well, this early spring when everyone was getting excited about the new life they saw all around creation, etc. etc. I was ‘feeling’ nothing but loneliness, burn out, rebellion, frustration, exhaustion….truly I felt there was no end in sight to this world of mine that lacked the joy, energy, passion and enthusiasm that I’m accustomed to in my life with Christ. I was separating myself from Christ; I wasn’t abiding in THE vine; I wasn’t waking early to be with my Master, and I was EMPTY OF HIM and FULL OF MYSELF. Bad place to be!

Of course, God, the Holy Spirit, that lives in me wouldn’t allow me to stay that way for long. But 7 months seems like a LONG time. And yet, 7 is a heavenly number isn’t it? A number of completion. Like God allowed me to go my own way for a little while, to lovingly bring me back into His fold, and for His glory and praise.

Am I proud I was rebellious, for Heaven’s sake, NO! But I love what God showed me about Himself in light of that rebellion. I have a Heavenly Father who lovingly disciplines me for my BEST (and not just for my GOOD). Because I follow Jesus, I have been given the gift of the Holy Spirit. I’m humbled that God, the HOLY SPIRIT lives inside of me and whispers to me about the LOVE that God, three in one, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit has for me…..even in the wilderness of my own choosing!

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